


Christmas is only merry when I'm next to you (just hold on)

by CandiceWright



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Pendragon Returns (Merlin), Christmas, Hospitals, M/M, Post-Canon, Snow, Snow and Ice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-11
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-02-26 22:01:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21636067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CandiceWright/pseuds/CandiceWright
Summary: It's freezing outside. It's Christmas and Merlin doesn't have anywhere to go, so he just lays down in the snow and lets go. But someone is still holding on.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 341
Collections: WinterKnights 2019 - a Merlin Winter/Holiday Fest





	Christmas is only merry when I'm next to you (just hold on)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to everyone that contributed to this fest, it was very fun and I'm glad I could participate!

Looking at the body of water before him, he was left to ponder, had it really been worth it to leave? Just to trade a lake for a sea, a boat for a ship. It hadn't really helped him forget like he had intended when he left the safety of his home. _Whatever_ , he thought. _I couldn't have stayed there forever_. But he was back now and he didn't plan on leaving again any time soon.

The cold of the snow touching his skin created a seamless transition between his body and his mind. He hadn't felt warm in a long time, now at least he had a reason for it, one that wouldn't require him to explain things he'd rather keep to himself. What he wasn't used to, however, was the numbness. Usually, no matter how empty or alone he felt, there was a tingling sensation running through his veins, eager to get out. He still found this feeling somewhat pleasurable, despite everything else. But now, the freezing temperatures acted as an anaesthetic, but not the kind that made you fearless and forgetful. Rather, the one that made you feel detached and empty.

There was a distant sound of celebration and joy that he had come to despise, not because he didn't want everyone else to be happy but because he knew he would be able to enjoy it if he were by his side. He still remembered the old traditions, the feasts, the laughs. Those moments where life was still worth living, despite whatever challenges they'd just faced. But now, he couldn't even bring himself to respond to the words 'Merry Christmas' without feeling the urge to cry.

He looked back at the bus station by the road and saw the same girl that had been there when he’d first arrived. _Waiting, waiting and more waiting. Another thing that never changes_. Waiting. He was used to it by now. How long had it been? One thousand years? Maybe more? He’d have to check his journal. He never was good with dates. But it didn’t really matter. Because perhaps leaving hadn’t been worth it. But waiting would always be. Because, once the day he was waiting for arrived, the numbness, the cold, the pain and the loneliness would all drift away with the snow, melting into the ground. And maybe then, the snow wouldn’t be so bad anymore.

With this in mind, he lied on the snow bed by the frozen shore, the water soaking through his clothes and skin. He had stopped shivering, he noticed. He could even say he felt warm, but no, that wasn’t true. He gave in to the temptation of closing his eyes and surrendering to the darkness.

***

_Bloody good day to come out of a lake_ , he thought as he felt the freezing air running through his body. But then he noticed his clothes and skin weren’t actually wet. _Must be magic_ , he speculated with a small smile on his face. Weird that the thought of sorcery could do that now. _All his fault_ , he realized.

He looked around at the vast whiteness and wondered how long it had been for such a snowstorm to be going on. Maybe not that long; the skies had been grey when he...well. It didn’t really matter, he figured, as long as he could find his way back home. 

He scoured the shore, trying to find something that would give him any sense of direction, but the thick fog and the snow didn't allow him to see far enough into the distance. He thought he could devise tiny lights in the horizon, but they reminded him too much of a bandit camp in the way they were arranged, so he decided against going towards them. He couldn't discern anything else except for a dot of black buried in the snow but, from there, he couldn't be sure of what it was. 

He approached the strange object dragging his heavy feet through the iciness. The closer he got, the more clear the figure became and the faster his heart throbbed. When he was close enough to it to know that the shape was, in fact, a person he was all but running towards it, frantic. 

He kneeled by it and started digging, taking as much snow from on top of the body as he could. His breath was fast and uneven, his hands cold even through the leather of his gloves. Finally, a distinguishable face appeared and his heart stopped.

“Merlin? Merlin! No, no, no. Come on, you're fine, you idiot. You're okay.”

He gathered the sleeping–because he was just sleeping, _oh God, please just be sleeping_ –boy in his arms, he took off his cloak and put it around his bony frame.

“Hey, wake up. Merlin? Please, wake up.” He searched for the lights again because he _didn't bloody care_ if they were bandits if they could just _help Merlin_. 

So he screamed.

“HELP! SOMEONE HELP ME!” He looked back down at the snow-white skin and ice-blue lips that made him feel way too cold, _way too cold_ -

“Hello?” a female voice asked.

“Hey! Over here!”

“Are you okay? Is something wrong?” 

His voice was shaking as much as the rest of him when he said “It's- It's my friend. He's freezing, he needs help.”

“I'll call 999, wait here.” He couldn't understand what she was suggesting, but she seemed certain that it would work and he wasn't about to complain, he just needed something, _anything_ to tell him that everything would be alright.

“Hold on, Merlin. You're not allowed to leave me now, idiot. You hear me?” He breathed and then echoed the words he had taken with him when he was the one fading away in his friend's arms.

_Stay with me._

***

The first thing he noticed when he woke up was the smell. That characteristic smell that made his first thought be _ah, the hospital again_. The bright white walls he saw upon opening his eyes confirmed it.

“Hello, Merlin, ” a very familiar voice said.

“Hey, Doctor.”

“I thought I told you I didn't want to see you during Christmas.”

Merlin chuckled, “Yes, well, I never do what I'm told.”

“You certainly don't. Well, at least you're not alone this time. I guess that's progress.”

“What do you mean?” Merlin asked, confused.

“The bloke that brought you here,” he said pointing to the door. “You must have just missed him.”

“Yes, well, I don't know him.” Now, it was the doctor who seemed confused.

“Are you sure? He seemed very concerned and I remember him calling you Merlin. In the state you were in, I doubt you could have told him your name.”

“That's odd.”

“He also said he was your friend now that I think about it.” Merlin let out a sad laugh.

“I don't have friends.”

“Well, he seemed rather worried for someone who isn't your friend. He almost got into a sword fight with one of the nurses because they wouldn't let him see you.”

Merlin’s heart stopped.

“Wha- wait, sword fight? Did you say sword fight?”

“Yes, kept insisting he was the greatest warrior in the Five Kingdoms, whatever that means. An interesting fellow for sure.”

“What does he look like?”

“Umm, tall–about your height probably–, blonde, blue eyes, strong-”

“His name?”

“Uh-”

“What's his name?!?” the doctor looked taken aback by his harshness but he didn’t care, _couldn’t care_.

“He said it was Arthur, but I thought he was taking the piss, I mean, Merlin and Arthur-”

But Merlin didn't register anything else. He couldn't think, couldn't speak. When his mind started working again, it was filled with _no way_ s and _not now_ s and _impossible_ s.

But, then, he walked into the room.

“Merlin! You're awake!”

There he was. His King, in all his golden glory. His smile was wide and he looked relieved at seeing him conscious. He was wearing modern clothes that looked a bit too tight (someone probably had lent them to him), and that image that just _wasn't quite right_ made Merlin realize that this was real, it was _really happening_.

Arthur.

Alive.

_Alive_.

He must have stared for too long because the doctor looked extremely uncomfortable at the intensity of the encounter.

“I'll leave you two alone,” he said before doing just that. Arthur then walked towards his bed and sat on the edge of it.

“God, _Mer_ lin, I knew you were an idiot. But this is a bit much, even for you. I mean, sleeping in the snow, really?” Arthur said.

“Ar-a-” he tried to say, but the words wouldn’t come out. A worried frown made its way into Arthur’s face and he leaned over him.

“Merlin? Are you alright?” He asked, placing a hand on his shoulder and Merlin felt it and _it is real, oh God, I can feel it_. Merlin looked at Arthur, unable to mutter a single word for a minute. Then, he mumbled something that Arthur thought sounded suspiciously like 'fifteen'. “What did you say?” he asked.

“Fifteen hundred years.”

“What on _earth_ are you talking about?”

“Fifteen hundred years. You were gone for fifteen hundred years.” Arthur looked at him, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly open, the reality of the situation washing over him.

“I was… Well, that does explain some things.”

“Wha- Like what?”

“Like why I don't understand anything in this room.” Merlin looked around at all the modern medical equipment and nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, I guess...yeah.”

They stayed silent for a moment, both of them trying to wrap their head around the events that were unfolding before them. 

But then, Arthur's exhaustion caught up to him, making him yawn. The tension left his body and he sighed, giving up trying to figure out what was going on for now.

“Well, we'll deal with this tomorrow. Now, we have to sleep. Move over,” he said. Merlin froze.

“Wait, what?”

“I'm the King, Merlin. You can hardly expect me to sleep on that chair.” Merlin was too baffled to argue that no, he wasn't the king anymore, so he could bloody well sleep in a chair like a normal person. But then he felt Arthur's solid and warm–and alive–body next to him and _oh, no, of course you can't sleep there. Here is okay, here is more than okay_.

He stared at the ceiling, unable to comprehend what was happening around him, barely even aware of the nurses going in and out of the room. Because it had been fifteen hundred years and, yes, he remembered now, he remembered _each and every second of all those years_. He remembered the pain, the guilt, the loneliness, the 'what if's. He remembered all those Christmases, seeing families gather around the tree and thinking _if he was here he would love this. We could do it together, be happy together_ and then having to come back to the real world where he was still alone, still waiting.

When he finally snapped out of his spiralling thoughts, a million questions filled his head.

“Wait, Arthur. How did you-” he started, but the King was already asleep. A private smile appeared on his face at the image and, for the very first time in the last thousand years, he felt at peace.

_This is what it felt like, huh? This is why I missed him, why I wanted him back_.

The door to the room opened and a nurse walked inside. She was about to speak, but Merlin put his finger in front of his lips in a shushing motion gesturing to the sleeping king next to him. The nurse nodded in agreement and when she spoke, she whispered. 

“Hey, Mr Emrys. I’m happy to see you’re doing well.”

“Yeah, I am,” he said, looking at the figure lightly snoring beside him.

“Is there anything you need?” she asked.

“No, thank you.”

She smiled. “Well then, I’ll leave you two to sleep. He needs it, he stayed up for the two days you were unconscious, ” she said and an inexplicable feeling of warmth rushed through Merlin. “ Alright, I’m going. Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas,” he said back.

And he meant every word of it.


End file.
